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Cynthia Kraack

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Simple Peace (Appeared on WordSisters Blog)

Cynthia Kraack Posted on July 29, 2022 by Cynthia KraackJuly 29, 2022

Sixty-six degrees at eight in the morning on July 4 in Door County. My hands smell of lavender from making bouquets and the harvest piles up in an old, rusty green Suburban Garden wagon. The cold spring delayed sprigs maturing, but the first varieties are now ready. These mornings of working at a table with a sweeping view of blooming lavender rows, friends bent over the bushy plants, and collies running offer a respite from news and worries.

Yes, the world is dipping and swaying for huge reasons, and it is hard to be proud of the state of our nation. I couldn’t get into the goofy happiness of a small town 4th of July parade and snapping pictures of kids on decorated tractor wagons and the grocery store staff pushing decorated shopping carts. I haven’t absorbed the sickening news of another mass shooter at a different parade. National discord and gun violence keep Americans in an uncomfortable state of anxiety so I’m looking for moments of simple pleasure to build personal peace of mind. I’m talking really simple pleasures:

Fresh peas, shelled by someone else.

Sunshine and cool air this morning.

Birdsong.

Two fawns playing in a neighbors’ yard.

Straight from the field strawberries.

Farmers market greens and cherry tomatoes.

Giggles of a happy infant granddaughter.

Our eight-year-old granddaughter singing.

Music while working.

A short pile of books.

Family and good friends a call or text away.

Some days you must restore your own core to keep pushing through your role in the bigger world. Here’s hoping you can create a list of simple pleasures to support minutes of personal peace.

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Posted in Blog, Personal Meditation, WordSisters | Tagged Door County, Friends, Harvesting Ashwood, Seasons, Stress Relief | Leave a reply

What About the Kids?

Cynthia Kraack Posted on July 24, 2020 by Cynthia KraackJuly 24, 2020

In normal years, the nonprofit Twin Cities Theater Camp (TCTC) offers professional quality theater training for seven dozen or more kids. Over five weeks, these six through fourteen-year-olds develop creatively in an environment where it is okay to spontaneously break into song, dramatically slide across the floor, talk endlessly about the energy of being on stage, eat lunch, play outside then go back to work. In five weeks they will evolve from kids at camp into a theater company. Friendships grow strong as they learn acting, singing, dancing skills, and expressing themselves through art.

Ninety kids were registered in less than thirty minutes for TCTC 2020, many returning for their fourth, fifth, sixth year. Then COVID-19 claimed center stage. Like many nonprofit boards, TCTC directors were faced with cancelling summer plans. Fortunately they had a management team of teachers and artists already working virtually with kids, who had ideas for building a different kind of program.

Four hours a day for three weeks, five teachers and 46 kids worked together virtually. Many parents called those hours the best their kids had experienced since March 17.  In fifteen days, an eighty minute video YouTube presentation was written, produced and performed by kids and teachers for viewing by an invitation only audience. Technical wizardry made the show possible.

It’s always entertaining to watch TCTC’s productions. But unlike great finales, what stopped adult audiences this year was listening to nondramatic sections–kids talking about COVID lock down, about things they fear, and things that make them happy.

Their fears ran from scary movies and snakes to becoming sick, to losing others, to developing an illness that can’t be cured. Under their words, there is sadness about the abrupt changes with no known end. Immediate family and friends are what they value. They have sad times, days they aren’t sure they can keep going, they miss the hugs of friends and distant family, and they have sparks of happiness that keep them hopeful. Older kids also worry about societal equality struggles. While still optimistic, reality has diminished that sweet childish belief that destiny is in their hands. Until the future is more clearly understood, they get by with help from friends, parents, family and other adults who care.

A big thanks for all who are caring for kids. Virtual hugs for you.

Posted in Change, Events, Family, Pandemic | Tagged Family, Fear of being ill, Friends, Kids' words, Pandemic, TCTC | Leave a reply

Door County Late Winter

Cynthia Kraack Posted on March 2, 2020 by Cynthia KraackMarch 2, 2020

Plowed snow covers a neighbor’s stonewall. Deer follow each other’s tracks leaving pathways through the woods. Ermine patrol exterior of houses in search of mice. Squirrels catapult between bare tree branches.

Three days of bright sun makes a friend’s installation of solar panels look like a good investment. Melting ice sparkles down the rain chain. The back porch is clear of Friday’s slippery melt and freeze mess. XC skies, snowshoes and sleds drip dry in the garage. Snow polished dangerously on roadways two nights ago has been forgotten.

Weekend visitors have drifted through stores with clearance sales, cruised snow mobile trails closed much of an unpredictable winter, brought a much needed dinner crowd to restaurants and bars. Better to have people late in the season when businesses have been down too long.

Maybe there’s a tease of spring in the breeze. Maybe that’s a foolish dream with more windy days and possible snow predicted midweek. Still time to buy winter gear priced at fifty percent to wear during the duration. The biggest storms often come after chili dinners with friends followed by board games are not quite as fun, jigsaw puzzles fill too many evenings, and the good fireplace wood pile is low. It would be better if football hadn’t finished so early in the season. Catchers and batters camp feels disconnected from this reality. But everyone daydreams about t-shirts and sandals.

County baseball league guys hold their initial season meetings in bars as the high school kids earn their way to winter sports state competitions and those fortunate to have plans pack suitcases for a few weeks in places where palm trees offer shade at the side of a pool. With Easter early this year the little girls could be wearing winter jackets over pretty dresses and searching for eggs will definitely happen inside the house.

There’s still corn in the fields as seed catalogues fill mailboxes. It’s hard to leave the house without slipping feet into boots, jamming gloves in pockets of a warm coat and pulling on a hat. Survival habits for at least another month. The snow that is still to come will clog the driveway for a shorter misery factor. But winter has a way of staying relevant as long as it wants. Put on another pot of chili.

Posted in Blog, Seasons | Tagged American culture, Door County, Friends, Seasons | Leave a reply

Revisionism III

Cynthia Kraack Posted on September 29, 2017 by Cynthia KraackSeptember 29, 2017

On a sunny, genuine Door County fall morning the house is filled with six writers on retreat. Outside trees are rustling in a definite breeze while inside the furnace and the dog provide the noise. It is a wonderful gift to be surrounded by writers and given two solid days to work.

Everyone in this group is in a committed relationship and our spouses or partners are supportive of our creative work. But here we can indulge in a twenty-minute discussion of word count without feeling kind of dorky. And we can be supportive of a writer who is so eager to finish a work that he started before six this morning. Sitting right in the middle of people making coffee, getting a little breakfast, watching an amazing sunrise, he kept his fingers on the keys and his eyes on the screen as the words flowed. Awesome.

There is a smooth energy under the quiet like the subtle chocolate hints in Door County Brewing’s Polka King Porter. One or two of those were consumed last night while watching The Packers beat the Bears. That’s rowdy behavior for a mature group of creative introverts.

I’ve put Inky aside this morning to concentrate on a final review of a short story bound for competition. In the arts rejection is the norm and one came in via email as I began working. A handful of successful writers I consider mentors have told me that they do over one hundred submissions a quarter for a handful of published stories. My counts are puny on that scale.

Today or tomorrow I’ll begin working my novel’s revision plan. Wednesday I shared the work’s graphic and background information produced in the first days of work to a person interested in starting his first novel. Being a part of Write On, Door County has opened the gates for these kind of discussions at the most unexpected times.

This is community. Six writers working on an unknown number of stories in the parts of a house made for this kind of gathering.

Posted in Blog | Tagged Door County, Friends, Write On, Writers, writing retreat, writing work | Leave a reply

Shim Sham Shimmy

Cynthia Kraack Posted on August 14, 2016 by Cynthia KraackAugust 14, 2016

Adriana introduced the Shim Sham Shimmy to our class at Dancin’ on the Door studio while I was away. A fellow dancer found floor space to bust a move from the recent lesson as she waited tables at IMG_3575the restaurant where we had dinner. I was nervous about matching the speed of her steps.

On the fourth day of air so heavy even the dog didn’t want to be outside, ninety minutes of highly physical activity in a lightly air-conditioned building held minimal attraction. The alternative was continuing to reconstruct a really good short story that fell apart during revision.

I knew I shouldn’t leave my computer or walk away from the three “finished” versions of the story. Guilt nicked the happiness of seeing my dancer friends. Lack of focus knocked me off rhythm during our first warm-up. Yet all the stretches, the delightful readjustment of a tense neck, easing of raised shoulders, the disappearance of leg cramps and curled toes shut the door on my rabbit hole of writing doubts. Here was music, movement, and the camaraderie of seven women working our bodies and minds.

The classic Shim Sham Shimmy, a 32 bar sequence of choreography, began roughly ninety years ago in Harlem music clubs. We built on stamps, steps, shaking shoulders, Tack Annie’s, freezes and breaks. After walking through steps to moving with a gentle tempo, we laughed together during a glorious attempt at dancing the shimmy to Beyoncé. Most of us are far beyond twenty, but that made no difference. Not one of us looked in the mirrors as our feet made music. If anything ached in the morning, I wouldn’t care.

IMG_2537On the way home from class I knew I had to shake the wounded story back to its original structure and concentrate on language. It is a story built for readers’ pleasure—a classical structure with good vibrations and defined direction. Worked carefully, the story will move slowly until it needs to move fast.

That’s the second reward for staying with the awkwardness of learning something new and creative instead of pushing paragraphs around and around another full day. Step it out of the comfort zone, sister.

Posted in Blog | Tagged Adriana's Dancin' on the Door Studio, Door County, Friends, Nature of Work, Tap dancing, writing work | Leave a reply

Peace on Earth

Cynthia Kraack Posted on December 24, 2015 by Cynthia KraackDecember 24, 2015

Our family has a holiday sock gifting tradition that has provided me with more than a week’s worth of red, green or black footwear decorated with bears, wreaths, candy canes and sparkle. Usually in the Midwest I can wear boots and jeans enough to camouflage my collection beyond the respectable boundaries of holiday celebration.

Tonight I wear the one pair I keep for Christmas Eve. Tiny angels blowing on delicate horns float on a black background. I call them my Angels We Have Heard on High socks. For twenty-four hours these socks bind me to my faith heritage, to remembering the message of hope Christians embrace in the story of the Christ child sent to earth to save Paris museumGod’s people.

Perhaps I’ll wear them longer this year. Maybe if enough leaders had socks to remind them of why people gifted them with the responsibility of power, we could find our way to some easier level of peace on earth.

To you and yours I send one simple message: If it is not possible to have peace on earth, may we at least live at ease with each other. Pax.

Posted in Blog | Tagged Christmas, Family, Friends, The Human Condition, The World | Leave a reply

That Time of Year

Cynthia Kraack Posted on December 13, 2015 by Cynthia KraackMarch 16, 2016

That time of year—from Thanksgiving through New Year’s. Happiness. Sadness. Hugging those who walk in the door. Remembering who sat in these chairs in years gone by. Familiar songs about happy holidays running from everyone’s playlists.

A friend posted an appeal to help a vet’s family pay for his funeral. In a final family picture he has a smiling little boy in each arm and lovely wife leaning over one shoulder. And his eyes are so empty, another soul carrying the weight of PTSD. Back from another deployment, people caring for him and keeping watch, yet he ended his life. On Thanksgiving morning. Dozens of family members and friends and fellow Marines received the sad news before sitting down to the holiday meal.

There are no traditions for merging the happiest time of the year with the emotional pain of loss, whether sudden or lingering. Don’t think poorly of those whose lives were sadly changed during this time of year. Give them a hug if that would be accepted. Invite them toCavePointWinter have a chair and a cup of comfort, yet respect their decision to spend time alone.

Tone down the playlist and let the music of your voice be all they need to hear. Talk about the weather, your favorite sports team, how the dog dragged in something disgusting. Listen with your heart. Let that be your gift.

Posted in Blog | Tagged American culture, Armed services, Family, Friends, PTSD, The Human Condition | Leave a reply

Are You My Mother?

Cynthia Kraack Posted on May 9, 2015 by Cynthia KraackMay 22, 2015

In the classic children’s picture book Are You My Mother? a newly hatched bird falls from its nest and wanders about asking that question of a kitten, a hen, a dog, and a few inanimate objects. He is clueless about his own identity and terribly lost.

IMG_1559You may have been nurtured by a mother possessing all the perfection of Caroline Ingalls or struggled through childhood with a parent who took lessons from Hamlet’s Queen Gertrude. For most people growing up in Mom’s kitchen fell in a more safe and boring middle ground with measured opportunities to learn about yourself and the world. A place where Mom, trusted adults, books, television and other kids helped answer questions whether insignificant or intense.

The maker of peanut butter sandwiches, enforcer of daily tooth brushing, comforter of physical or emotional injuries, was just a woman who happened to be older than you. She wasn’t gifted by the gods with amazing knowledge, a graduate of a secret parenting program, or anywhere near perfect. She didn’t know why 9/11 happened, how to stop social injustice, who to call about global warming. Her job was to make sure you felt loved and protected, often hard work in an imperfect world.

Discovering that your mother has a masters in labor economics, hides a bag of bodice busters in the closet, holds strong feelings about mutual funds versus annuities, was married before she met your father suggests a richness in this woman’s life that has nothing to do with your existence. This is the school where she learned the mirepoix that flavored every scold, joke or counsel.

Even when the person who mothered you becomes too old or fragile to cook a really good dinner or read a favorite author without help, there will still be unknowns to explore in the woman who taught you to fake burp, to connect cables on a sound system, to ask your boss for more responsibility, to speak in many voices so your child giggles as you read Are You My Mother?.
Flowers-COVER

The women of The High Cost of Flowers are all mother in their own unique ways. You might recognize them as women you know in your neighborhood, the office, your family.

Posted in Blog | Tagged Family, Friends, The High Cost of Flowers, The Human Condition | 2 Replies

Who Can Help?/Diamonds to Dementia Part 2

Cynthia Kraack Posted on February 3, 2015 by Cynthia KraackMay 22, 2015
The High Cost of Flowers

The strokes that damaged my mother’s mental capabilities left her physically intact. Her doctors and therapists never told my parents that she would fully recover, but my parents chose to believe that with a time of rest, life could return to normal.

She was a bit wobbly, her voice gravelly. My father absorbed her household responsibilities and went back to his normal activities. Vascular dementia had changed their lives, but had not stopped them. She fell off a chair while alone, re-injured an old back problem. Living hours away, my brother and I were not immediately helpful in each crisis.

With experience in hiring day care providers, nannies, and housecleaners, I inserted myself in my parents’ situation. I’ll admit I was long on solutions and short on empathy. My father was capable of making decisions and determined to keep their life intact. I heard his refusal to make changes as his denial of reality, not his emotional pain.

Dementia changed her needs frequently. She would plateau for months then slip. Physical deterioration became part of the equation. My parents lived in six places in eight years as my father searched for the magic solution. Their journey looked this:

Adult day care during the early days gave my father time off, but frightened my mother. Clients were clustered by broad needs. There were wanderers and moaners in her group while she was fairly lucid. Crafts and current events discussions were important to her so she put up with the scary time. One day she was attacked and never went back.

Volunteers were great for short spells, but my mother became anxious around strangers. She sometimes locked herself in the bathroom until my dad came home.

Family was always preferred. They sold their home and moved into a seniors’ apartment building near my brother. As the dementia deepened, she began exhibiting unpredictable violent behavior. When my father was hospitalized I came to stay with her. On the third night she threw a plate of food at my face, cut my sweater sleeve with a knife, kicked me in the chest as I untied her shoes. We had to hire a nurse to stay with her who could also administer medications.

DadMy father wanted to be back in their hometown. He bought a condo and hired home care providers. These wonderful women gave my parents great peace of mind. While very expensive, this provided our most peaceful year. When my brother died, a handful of these people helped keep both of my parents healthy and safe.

Neither of my parents did well during the time she stayed in a nursing home following another surgery for my father. She was left on her own, frequently missed meals and sat alone in the lobby. He brought her home and added extra shifts of home care providers.

When her condition deteriorated, they both moved into a memory care facility. The security of locked doors and routines comforted her, but she never connected with the often-changing caregivers. For my competent father, that year was difficult.

Hearing my friends’ stories, there are no road maps to smooth out the journey of caring for loved ones with dementia or Alzheimer’s. Our family had financial resources that made some segments easier than others, but we all shared in the stress. All of us also shared in some form of loneliness caused by the disease. That will be the topic of my next blog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blog | Tagged Dementia, Family, Friends, The High Cost of Flowers | 1 Reply

The Night Before the Book Launch

Cynthia Kraack Posted on July 14, 2014 by Cynthia KraackJuly 14, 2014

Twas the night before the book launch, when all through the house

All the creatures were stirring, except there’s no mouse.

The clothes are all hung in the closet with care,

In hopes that they’ll fit and no one will stare.

 

The husband is nestled all snug in his chair

Watching a home run derby that isn’t there.

And Rocky with his chew bone and me with my book

Have just settled in to have one last look.

 

When out in the Twitter world there rose such chatter,

About Cynthia Kraack at Magers and Quinn. Such clatter.

Down to the basement I flew like a flash,

Practiced once again, swore to make it a smash.

Reality Rings 

Enough fun with words. I should be practicing the readings from Leaving Ashwood one more time. Book and notes on a music stand with the timer on my phone tearing through seconds and minutes. The fourth launch will be totally different than any of the others. For one thing, this book is being launched in Minneapolis, not St. Paul, and on the same night as the MLB All Star Game which starts at the exact same time as my reading. Strike six friends who have tickets to the bigger show.

As a writer you have to hope there will be another book to launch. Maybe that was part of the reason behind selling your publisher on a trilogy. But there are no guarantees in the arts. While my next book will be released early in 2015, I’m going with an indie publisher. I expect the experience will be different.

So we’re partying July 15 at Magers and Quinn with a guest reader and music by The Patience Band. Steve McEllistrem is playing hooky from KFAI Write On! Radio to read from his new book. Speculative fiction meets dystopian fiction with musical accompaniment.

If only I say “incantation” and not “incineration” in the last reading. One more practice.

Posted in Blog | Tagged Ashwood Trilogy, Family, Friends, Leaving Ashwood, Thinking Out Loud, writing work | Leave a reply

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